The topic of suicide is something that most of us are terrified to talk about or mention. Society has placed so much stigma on the topic of suicide which has made it so difficult for so many of us to talk about. We need to stop being so scared by this topic; this is something that needs to be talked about.
We live in a country that has a high prevalence of violence, crime and abuse and many other risk factors leading to individuals struggling with mental health and suicidal ideation.
The reality is that either we have had suicidal thoughts in the past, know someone who has been or is suicidal or have interacted with someone who has been suicidal without our knowledge. The issue of suicide and suicidal ideation is an extremely prevalent issue in society. The fact that we are too scared to talk about this topic has to change.
The information I am leaving here is just the tip of the iceberg and I encourage you all to upgrade your knowledge with regards to this topic. Knowledge is also wasted without proper application, so I encourage you to exercise these skills with friends in need around you.
There is a common misconception that talking about suicide with people, especially people who already have suicidal thoughts, will give ideas and reinforce suicidal thoughts. This is not true. People struggling with suicidal thoughts need someone to talk to about their thoughts and feelings and need to feel safe when doing so. We need to learn to exercise unconditional positive regard and suspend our judgement. We need to learn to love.
Before proceeding I will briefly explain what suicidal ideation is. It is when an individual is considering, planning or wanting to attempt suicide. This can be either passive, where the individual considers the idea of suicide or wishes to be dead, or active suicide where they have intent or have plans in place in order to complete suicide. This includes behaviours such as obsessing over the topic of death and dying, as well as self-harming behaviours.
Did you notice my use of the word completed suicide rather than committed suicide? This is something that a good friend of mine, who is a Clinical Psychologist, recently brought to my awareness. We need to be aware of the stigma attached to certain words and how these words shape our view, in this case our view of suicide. When talking about inherently negative behaviours such as crime and adultery we refer to people “committing” these behaviours; she “committed” a crime and he “committed” adultery. These acts have been vilified and so as a result we begin to vilify the act of an individual “committing” suicide. This leads us to often begin the conversation around suicide with an underlying negativity towards it. We therefore need to be careful about the words we use, and the stigma attached to them.
It is important to realise that people who have suicidal ideation or are suicidal do not walk around with a banner or microphone professing their suicidal thoughts and feelings. Often people who are struggling inside emotionally will mask these emotions and appear “normal” or happy. Humour is often used as a defence mechanism to mask our emotions. Take time to see past the facades and learn to ask people how they really are. Learn to listen with both your ears and eyes. Some individuals will give clues and it is important we listen carefully and do not miss these.
People who are suicidal do not want to end their lives; they want to end their pain. This pain is mostly psychological pain. These individuals often don’t want to complete suicide, but struggle with finding an alternative.
CLC is crucial with regards to the topic at hand. CLC stands for; caring, love and communication, which are vital in interacting with not only a person who is struggling with suicidal thoughts and intentions, but anyone for that matter. We need to create a safe environment that will allow individuals to feel safe having conversations around their thoughts and feelings. We also need to learn to genuinely care and love others through listening non-judgementally and by empathising with others.
When someone is stuck at the bottom of a deep dark pit, we don’t need to ask how they’re doing from the comfort of the top of the pit. We need to get a ladder and climb down in the pit with them. We do this by seeing things through the perspective of the person stuck in the pit and not from our own perspective. We refrain from judging, which is not easy as it’s something we all love to do. We need to learn to feel with people and exercise our empathy.
We need to refrain from using phrases like at least… Don’t look for positives or the silver lining in the situation. We love to fix problems and make things better, but the truth is we don’t need to fix the other persons problems for them. Responses don’t fix problems, connections do. We need to connect with the person and love them rather than see them as something broken that needs fixing. We need to climb into the pit with them, walk along side them and support them.
The two aspects that are correlated to the severity of suicidal intention are helplessness and hopelessness. It’s important to be a source of help for individuals struggling with their mental health and suicidal thoughts and to help them find a sense of hope in what often seems like a deep dark pit of despair. Where we get our sense of worth can be an important question with regards to finding a sense of hope. How can we assist individuals in finding their sense of worth?
While we can play a major role in supporting individuals with suicidal thoughts it’s of great importance to help these individuals gain access to professional help. We can do this by referring them to the necessary professional help such as a psychologist. I will include a few contacts for some helplines in the subsequent post.
The person is not their problem, the problem is separate from them. SEE THE PERSON, NOT THE PROBLEM! Give them a sense of hope.
John 8:12 – “Again Jesus spoke to them, saying “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
Live it well 
Great read thanks for the effort to get this out there Luke.
Love you
CVB
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