Author: Luke Bartholomew

I have been challenged with how quickly life has seemingly resumed back to normal after such a heart-breaking and traumatic week for the nation. We have all been so quick and eager to return back to normal life and resume where we left off, to our lives of comfort. I feel convicted to challenge my thoughts and hopefully others on this matter. Is it right that we resume so quickly to our lives of comfort? Is it right that our lives don’t seem to have changed post these recent events, when just a week ago we were waiting in lines for hours on end to get into a store and choose 20 items from what was left on the shelves? I wonder how many people within our country have gone back to their lives of being without.

I think we often numb ourselves to these thoughts and questions because they can be frightening and often overwhelming. What can I do to change the circumstances within my country, surely that is down to the government, the church, or just anyone else, but not me? I think its time to start asking the hard questions and then turning it into action. We all have a part to play, big or small.

So, what does that look like? I think it looks different for each one of us. I think the beauty of our uniqueness and our differences is our strength. I think the way in which we can answer these questions and serve our communities is through our own strengths or giftings and our own convictions. I think it starts with paying fair wages to those we employ. Engaging in conversations with individuals we may have avoided, feared or prejudiced against in the past. I think it’s cleaning up our own communities, offering hope and positivity, prayer or a meal to those in need. Find a gap and fill it, even if small.

“We want our blessings in our pockets, we keep our missions overseas, but for the hurting in our cities, would we even cross the street?”  I think this is often our thinking, that if we want to make a difference, if we want to serve God and bring healing to the world, we have to travel somewhere foreign to do this. Yes, to some this may be their calling, but I think to the majority of us it starts in our province, our city, our suburb, neighbourhood and in our very own home. “But church, if we want to see a change in the world out there, it’s got to start right here, its got to start right now”. I want to see our land be healed; I want to see our people be healed. And I think where we can begin is the healing of our own hearts. It begins internally, within us.

“Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far reaching effects” – Dalai Lama.

Let’s not get burdened, weighed down and fearful of the magnitude of the task and healing that lies ahead, let us get excited by the small part each of us gets to play. I believe in the ripple effects of random acts of kindness and acting out of love. Let us not underestimate the difference we can all make and the value we can add.

“Hope’s a seed you have to sow”. Its time for us to all realise that now’s the time to start sowing the seeds that we would like to bear fruit in the future. It’s easy to sow seeds of fear, anger, bitterness, pride, resentment and hate. But we can just as easily sow seeds of patience, acceptance, forgiveness and love.

What are your strengths? What are your convictions? Where are you right now at this point in time? How can you use the opportunities right in front of you?

Pay it forwards. Use your giftings. Act in love.

Matthew 25: 34-40 – “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”

It is so easy to ride the wave of negativity. To get caught up in negative conversations and become disheartened by the often very negative portrayal of media. This post is a follow on from my previous one. Again, I want to highlight the choice we have during this time. It’s not always easy to be the individual that offers a more positive outlook or who chooses not to get swept up in all the negativity.

Often having a more positive outlook may mean you get dismissed as being naïve or unrealistic. But I am going to encourage you to consciously choose to create a more positive narrative for both yourself and the people around you. This is not to say that there isn’t negativity, pain, suffering, hardships and so on, but its to say that it is not all I want to choose to see and focus on.

Often positive people are said to be out of touch with reality, only seeing rainbows and sunshine, but I think so too are the individuals who choose to see only darkness, pain and suffering. Just like in many things in life there exists a spectrum in which we need to find a healthy balance. The reason why it is so important to be conscious about our perspective, our mindset and the narrative that we offer is that it not only affects us but all those around us.

“I am because we are”. We are called to live in community with one another, and when we do, life becomes so much more meaningful. “Sticks in a bundle are unbreakable”. I have not been prouder to be a South African than in the last couple days, seeing people from all genders, race and socio-economic backgrounds coming together to clean our communities as one. It has been so uplifting and has given me so much hope for the youth of this country. Yes, there are certainly still so many systemic and ingrained issues that need addressing, but to witness the way in which so many community members have chosen to respond to these recent events has been a joy and privilege to witness and be apart of. I have witnessed the essence and spirit of ubuntu in a tangible way. That is the narrative I want to tell, one of hope and resilience.

We get to dictate how our story is told.

Romans 12:9-21 – “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honour one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.”

What do you even write in a time like this? How do you even find the words to express yourself? My heart is broken for our beautiful country, for our people. I find myself at a crossroads with my choice of thoughts. I feel a very strong compulsion to turn towards anger, frustration, prejudice and a loss of hope. But on the other hand, I feel a very strong need to fight these feelings and choose hope, love and gratitude.

When I actually pause to reflect on what is taking place at the moment, I can actually feel my defensive walls up, not wanting to actually process what I am seeing and hearing. I feel most of us are probably in this state of mind, a state of numbness to the constant trauma of watching and hearing about our beautiful country in complete disarray. Many others may be in a state of anger or even hopelessness and depression.

Where do we turn to in this time where we seem to have no understanding or answers? I don’t have all the answers, but I know that I will choose to turn to God. Even when I am feeling heartbroken, numbed by the trauma and angry I will turn to the Lord for guidance, healing, discernment and wisdom.

We need to rally together and pray for this beautiful nation and ALL of our people. We need to pray that through this we can see restoration, healing and restorative justice. Let us be slow to turn to hatred, prejudice and bitterness.

Amongst all of the negativity surrounding us I also wanted to share some of the light that I have seen. I have had the privilege of seeing our community and people in action during our neighbourhood patrols, to see our people band together and support one another. I have seen so much selflessness, love and unity. People have been quick to offer support and a helping hand, share what little they have and link hands in prayer. I am so aware of all the devastation, hopelessness, hurt and anger, and I am not denying any of it, but I am consciously choosing to not be consumed by it and rather to challenge my thoughts and the way they guide my words and behaviour. We all have a very important choice now, in the way in which we decide to respond to these events.

I just read a quote that I believe speaks so much truth into all of our circumstances including the one we currently find ourselves in. “The Israelites were afraid because they were measuring themselves against Goliath. But David was confident because he was measuring Goliath against God.”

What is going on currently is no doubt a Goliath for us all, maybe not all in the same way, but we all have to choose the way in which we approach our Goliath. It is so easy for us all to allow our circumstances to get the better of us and for us to choose the easy route. The route of anger, hate, fear, prejudice, racism and so on. I am encouraging everyone, including myself, to face what is no doubt a Goliath, not because we have the strength or ability, but because the almighty God we serve is so much bigger than all of this. Let us choose to have the perspective and faith that David had when facing his giant.

This is a challenge to myself, and I hope to you as well, to choose love, empathy, compassion, understanding and a willingness to not become part of the very many problems faced within our beautiful country.

I am still proud to be a South African and I will refuse to give up on our people. So, I pray now that God reveals to us or own prejudices, our own fears, our owns shortcomings, our own unhealthy thoughts, so that we can be part of the movement towards creating the South Africa we can all be proud of.

2 Chronicles 20:15 – “He said, “Listen, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Listen, King Jehoshaphat! This is what the LORD says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

The battle belongs to You.

I’ve been reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge again for the third or fourth time and much of what I have written in this blog post has been inspired by this book.

If we succeed in our pursuit of control and security against all forms of risk, we will land up getting caught in a web of self-protection that will suffocate us of life and wonder why. Our souls’ thirst for adventure, the type that cannot be found when all elements of risk are accounted for.

“Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing…Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should rather be an expression of breathless expectation.” – Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest.

I have spoken previously about our incessant need for the illusion of control and how we feel we need it in order to live our lives in comfort, safety and a sense of certainty. Its often ironic that the thing we think we need is actually the very thing we need to surrender. If we could have made an instruction manual for life, we would have made it by now, and we’d all be living dull, faithless and lifeless lives devoid of any meaning and significance. We’d have nothing to offer. We would not be able to live in breathless expectation.

So much of society tries to play it safe with certainty being sought after. There is no life there. We live in a time where mystery is despised, and the sense of control is seen as the ultimate goal to attain. What this does is it removes us from the very thing we are needing, a real relationship, dependence and conversation with God. If we have the element of control and are able to prefabricate a list of principles to live life by that give us this control, then why need God? With this pursuit of control there can be no room for vulnerability, no room for creativity and no room for life. How could we live a life of abundant joy where there is complete certainty in all things, it would become fruitless and mundane.

I think we often hold onto the illusion of control because we are afraid to face the many fears present in our lives, but by avoiding facing our fears we are avoiding life itself. “The price of our vitality is the sum of all our fears” – David Whyte.

There are no formulas with God and so there should be no formulas for us who follow him as we were created in his own image. How many times do we see God work in the same way in the Bible? We don’t because He never does things the same way. God brings 7 plagues into Egypt and parts the red sea for Moses to lead his people out of Egypt. Upon entering the promised land Joshua and the Israelites are told to march around the city of Jericho blowing trumpets for 7 days before bringing the walls down. He reduces Gideons army from thirty-two thousand to a measly three hundred before instructing them to use a bunch of torches and water pots to scare the enemy troops, and hilariously they succeed. Even recall the various ways Jesus heals the blind, he never does it the same way twice. He does this so that we have to depend on Him and so that He may receive the glory, which belongs to Him. So, we need to also recognize that God may not speak to us or lead us in the way we expect Him to or in the way He has in the past. We need to embrace uncertainty and rely on Him.

“There comes the baffling call of God in our lives also. The call of God can never be stated explicitly; it is implicit. The call of God is like the call of the sea, no one hears it but the one who has the nature of the sea in him. It cannot be stated definitely what the call of God is to because His call is to be in comradeship with Himself for His own purposes, and the test is to believe that God knows what He is after” – My Utmost for His Highest.

I feel most of us often misinterpret our lives and what God is doing in our lives. We often look at things from the wrong angle. How often do we try get God to make our lives easier? We’re often asking the wrong questions, “God why are you letting this happen to me?”. But to enter the journey of faith and maturation requires us to ask ourselves a different set of questions, “God, what are you trying to teach me here?”, “What do I need to learn?”, “What do I need to adjust, change, pursue or let go of?”.

It’s important for us to let go of all the ways we are desperately holding onto control in our lives and learn to live in faith and I think this is different for each one of us. We need to learn to face our fears. We also need to learn to be still, and quiet, so that we can hear Gods voice amongst all the noise and allow Him to lead us in the way forward.

“God does not give us overcoming life; He gives us life as we overcome.” –  My Utmost for His Highest.

When it comes to living and loving, true living and true loving, the requirement is the willingness for us to jump in with both feet and take life as it comes. I want the type of love and love for life that will cast out any fear. I want to learn to live and love recklessly without restraint because I believe perfect love drives out all fear. I want to surrender my control and live-in faith and obedience. Will this be obtainable and easy, no, I don’t think so, but that is the journey of sanctification. That is where life begins.

1 John 4:18 – “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

If you’ve read my previous blogs, you’ll know I’ve spoken before about experiencing seasons in our life and how this is something we all experience just as nature goes through the cycle of its seasons. Seasons are temporary, and each season of life affords us the opportunity to learn lessons about ourselves. I have spoken previously about the season of wind and rain (difficulty and hardship), but I think it’s important to focus on the season of being on the mountain top. In life we have periods of time in which we experience each of these seasons, often multiple times. Sometimes the seasons are obvious and other times less so, but the seasons are there, allowing us to prepare for the next to come. So often in life we do not always stop and take the time to realise we are in a season of abundance and joy, standing at the top of a mountain that gifts us the opportunity for awe, wonder and thanksgiving. There are also times in which we do realise that we are in a fruit bearing season but are then so focused on the eventual end of that season that we forget to soak in the glory that the mountain top reveals to us.

The thing about the seasons is that each season does not last forever and will end, leading to the next season. We will all go through seasons of happiness and seasons of suffering at some point in our lives. Just as the earth needs the rain and the sun to produce flowers so too do we need seasons of both difficulty and prosperity in order to mature and grow. The contrasts are important as the times of joy allow us to hold onto hope through times of despair while the hardships we face in life make the top of the mountain seem more meaningful and significant. Unfortunately, because we are aware that our seasons of prosperity and joy will come to an end at some point we are often looking out for the end in the season. We often think things like, everything is going great, so when are things going to start going wrong? This is too good to be true? Surely this season is bound to end any time now? The good never lasts? What this does is it stops us from being present in the moment and enjoying the fruit bearing season we are in. It also often means that we end our season of joy and happiness prematurely because we are looking for reasons for it to come to an end and we are looking for that change in our fortune and circumstance.

Often at times we are fearful of experiencing and enjoying our season of joy because we are so scared it will be taken away from us suddenly and without warning and that we will be blindsided by pain, trauma or loss. Often, in the midst of our mountain top experience we dress rehearse tragedy so that we can ‘prepare’ ourselves for the eventual end and possible difficulties or trials we may face in the future. We often have the experience of foreboding joy because it can be scary to feel joy and enjoy the season we find ourselves in, as to do this requires vulnerability. We need to learn to lean fully into joy and our season of prosperity and we need to stop dress rehearsing tragedy and thinking about everything that could go wrong. We are often so scared that the reasons for enjoying our season and prosperity will be taken from us, but this just serves to distract us from enjoying those very things that bring joy and life. It is so important for us to learn to be present and practice gratitude. Use those mountain top experiences as a reminder to be grateful and learn to practice gratitude in all seasons.

Let us all learn to commit to the moment and choose joy. Sometimes all we have to do is to do the joyful thing, that activity that has no purpose or outcome other than just that moment of happiness and joy that comes from it. Enjoy the mountain top and all that it has to offer. Choose life.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 – “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

As humans we love to feel like we’re in control of our lives and our circumstances. We often fear the feeling of uncertainty and not being able to dictate how the journey will go or where we land up. Often this means expending enormous energy in order to have all our plans set out before us and wanting to know everything and every detail that lies ahead. We constantly want to know the ending before we have journeyed there, and we want to see the full picture of what our future looks like right now. What if this stops us from growing and maturing in our faith and trust in God?

Recently I had the awesome opportunity to hike up Table Mountain with some of my closest friends. We decided to do a route on the way up called Skeleton Gorge and then come back down a route named Nursery Ravine which both started and ended in Kirstenbosch Gardens. It was an absolutely exquisite walk that was enough to take anyone’s breath away (partly due to the intense gradient of the climb). It was a 17km hike (pretty much all a steep incline or decline the entire way) that took us just shy of 9 hours and we were absolutely fatigued by the end to say the least. Had I known how many steps I’d have to take to ascend and then painfully descend the majestic mountain I may have been met with much apprehension and even turned back before we had begun. Sometimes the beauty is that it’s just one step at a time, with a break every now and again to marvel at the incredible surroundings before taking the next step without knowing just how many steps need to be taken to complete the journey. How sad it would have been to miss out on the entire experience because I had foreknowledge of what the journey entailed and was too scared to take the first step. And how sad it would have been to not be present and feel each step that ultimately led to a satisfying achievement and epic experience.

I have just completed and handed in my thesis which is the last component of my master’s degree, and I don’t even know what to feel. Sure, it’s exciting but it’s been such a journey that relief is certainly a more apt description. Had I known what enormous commitment and hard work this degree would require before I set out on my studies I would have very likely backed out and chosen something else over the immense fear and magnitude of the task ahead and would have turned down what I believe to be my calling. But again, that’s the beauty, I didn’t know all that lay ahead and all that was required when I began and so all I could do was put one foot in from of the next and clear each hurdle as they came. And now I am here one step away from completing my masters and becoming a qualified Psychologist.

We don’t need to know the bigger picture sometimes or exactly how our life is going to plan out. Sometimes all we need is to take the first step and follow God with a childlike faith and dependence because His plans are bigger than our own and if we try tackle life in our own strength, we will fall short time and again. We need to allow Him to fill out the details of our life while we faithfully take a step at a time, while enjoying each segment of the mountain of life that we are climbing. I want to surrender to Him because I realise just how little I can do in my own strength and understanding. The more we surrender ourselves to the Lord the more clearly we are able to see His hand at work in our lives. A quote from one of my favourite Switchfoot songs, The Strength to Let Go, beautifully encapsulates the overall message I am wanting to convey, “Oh Love, light the way home, light up my soul, I choose mercy instead of control.”

Psalm 37:7 – “Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for Him”.

Ecclesiastes 3:1–8 – There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3     a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6     a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7     a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8     a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

I love using the analogy of seasons in our life just as there are in nature and that each season is necessary and important in preparing us for the next season or chapter in our lives. We need to learn the art of being present and learning the lessons afforded to us in each season.

The wind and rain are both often seen as negative elements that serve to stop us from enjoying ourselves. The rain keeps us indoors and stops us from going about our everyday activities. The wind can be a nuisance and makes us feel unsteady. Just as with most things in our lives, this is a result of the perspective we hold. The seasons I want to focus on is the dry or rainy seasons, which are often the times in our lives where we face hardship.

Recently I watched a movie titled, The boy who harnessed the wind, which resonated with me and the season I currently feel myself in. To me the film was a story about determination and grit but above all else, hope. In the film the town where the setting takes place experiences a season of flooding preceding a season of famine. Here we see rain/water in two completely different lights, first as a curse and then as a necessity. Sometimes it is our current perspective that determines what we take from the season we are in. In the film, William, the young boy, creates a windmill in order to produce electricity to run a small-scale irrigation system for his village which allows them to survive through the season of drought. He chose not to become consumed by the season of famine and drought (hardship) but was prepared to apply himself in learning what was needed in that season.

There was a prayer in the film where the father prayed thanking God for the family’s blessings and then asking God for the strength to endure hardships. How many times do we pray for lack of trials rather than for God to be our strength through them? Suffering is a universal experience; it is inevitable in all of our lives.

Suffering and difficulties (the rainy or dry seasons) are tools that God uses in order to develop our characters and our faith, trust and intimacy with one another and with Him. Often in our seasons of hardship and suffering we respond by inflicting more suffering on ourselves or those around us and we often tend to magnify our pain unnecessarily. Rather than focusing on the pain, hardship or difficulties we need to look at the lessons it affords us. What do we need to build (0ften related to our character) during seasons or drought or famine?

 “Sometimes God doesn’t change your situation because he’s trying to change your heart.”

Often our seasons of trials and difficulties are the very thing that prepare us to enjoy and even thrive in our next season of life. We need the rain for the fields to bear fruit and for harvests to be plentiful. We need the wind to generate power in order to sustain ourselves when we would otherwise be needing. How can we learn to be present in the season and learn to look out for what we can take away and learn from it? This is just a reminder that all seasons in our lives do not last forever and do come to pass, so how can we be present in each season so that we gain what we need from it and are ready to enjoy the season that follows.

“NGATI MPHEPO YOFIKA KONSE – God is the wind, which touches everything.”

I encourage you all to build a windmill out of faith and allow God to be the wind that generates power so that water may flow from you and bring life to all that surrounds you.

Navigating the planes of life is not always easy. Our thoughts are at constant war with themselves in our mind and often revolve around thoughts from the past or about the future. How many of us can say we are actively living in the present with our focus and attention being on the now rather than what has been or what is to come? I think we are fighting with the past and future to be able to enjoy living the life we are in right now.

Often our pasts can be filled with hurts, mistakes, failures, difficulties and tragedies. Its often hard to move on from these instances and they tend to stick with us. The thoughts and feelings we have with regard to our past tend to shape and form our current thought patterns and feelings. It’s not always easy to put these thoughts and feelings aside.

Isaiah 43:18-19 – “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

While the past often competes for the occupation of our mind so does the future. The future is often filled with uncertainty, apprehension, the unknown and fear. The future often holds tasks we feel we will never achieve or accomplish as we haven’t yet been given the gift of hindsight. The future is often dauting and many of the tasks that lie ahead of us seem insurmountable.

Matthew 6:34, – “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Because of this continual tug of war between our past and future we begin to get stretched and worn out. We are so busy trying to fight against both that we rarely spend time living our lives in the present. We let our past and the thoughts of our future dictate our lives rather than grabbing the reigns and deciding the direction of our own lives.

While I am saying this, I also realise the importance both the past and future do play in our lives. Often the trials, difficulties, challenges, hurts and so on can be used as opportunities to grow ourselves. Our past can teach us to be forgiving to ourselves and others, to learn empathy, and we gain wisdom and make valuable discoveries about ourselves.

“Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.” – Rafiki (Lion King).

Our future can be filled with endless opportunities, and the gift of tomorrow means that we always have the opportunity to make amends, fix what’s broken and create the lives we want for ourselves. The future offers us the gift of hope.

Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

We need both our past and future to maximise the present, but we need them in the periphery rather than as our main focus. Many of the individuals I work with that have struggles such as anxiety and depression often struggle as a result of the past or future. One of the techniques that I often use, and love, is a grounding technique involving the senses. We so often forget to enjoy the pleasures that our senses afford us. Our senses are what help us ground ourselves in the current moment, helping us learn to be present and to become content in the current page of the book that is the journey and adventure of our own lives. We are writing the script, let us not let other factors write the script for us and predetermine our own lives.

The grounding technique I use involves deep breathing with a reflection on one of the senses at a time between the sets of deep breaths. You can begin with 5 things you see, followed by four things you hear, working your way down the senses. Take some time to stop and focus on your surroundings, your inner voice and begin to shape your own narrative.

“Wherever you are be all there.” – Jim Elliot.

Let’s take time to be present in our current situations, no matter what we are facing. Life is meant to be lived, let us not waste it away getting entangled in the past or paralyzed by the future. One step at a time, one breath at a time.

Psalm 118:24 – “This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

What is success? Where do we gain our definition of success from? Who or what determines our level of success?

I think the question, how do we define success, is an important one. We live in a world where many of the beliefs and thoughts are skewed and need major adjusting. It is important not to let the world tell you how to define success and whether or not you fit this mould.

Society and the world say success is measured by financial worth and power. Do you drive a fancy car and live in a big home? One of the many problems with this is it often leads people to live well above their means and creates a life of debt and bondage. Another problem is that we can never truly gain any real sense of satisfaction form these material possessions. I am not saying they aren’t nice to have and that we cannot hope to have material things. But success and satisfaction are not defined by and do not inherently come from material possessions. Maybe to some this may be your definition of success, and that is fine, as long as you are happy.

I think the definition of success is different for each one of us. We need to realise that we don’t have to define our sense of worth and success based on other people’s views. We need to find our own sense of success and satisfaction. To some it may be following your calling in life, such as moulding young minds through teaching or helping someone find their dream home. We need to be kind to ourselves and stop comparing ourselves to others.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt.

We also need to stop judging others success and their feelings of success based on our own definition of success. We need to exercise non-judgement and begin to see success taking the shape of many forms other than purely from accolades or financial gain.

It is also common practice that each time we begin to reach our goals and ‘achieve’ success we just move the goal posts and change our benchmark for success. We therefore often never achieve our own sense of success, satisfaction and happiness. We need to celebrate our successes and achievements no matter how small. We perform better when we are happy and have a positive outlook.

“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way” – Napoleon Hill

We often think success means changing the world, and for some of us it may be just that. But success comes in many shapes and sizes. It may be helping out a stranger, raising a family, learning a new skill or just living your life as best you can. We don’t have to change the world to be successful.

I’m also aware of the other side of the spectrum when defining success. While we may at times view success as something difficult to achieve there are also times where we define success too easily at the detriment of not pushing ourselves further and growing. We need a healthy balance of wanting to grow ourselves but being kind towards ourselves and realising that we all are successful in some way.

“Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.” – Coach John Wooden.

Too often we do what we think the world needs or what the world defines success as being. People often choose occupations according to accolades or how much they can earn. I want to leave you with a quote from a book that I love called Wild at heart. I hope you find what makes you come alive.

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ― Harold Whitman

Proverbs 3: 3-4 “Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favour and good success in the sight of God and man.”

We’ve all heard the analogy of us all being in the same boat I’m sure. We’re all in this together right? We are all having the same experience at the moment.

I recently made the mistake of speaking about how we are all in the same boat during this time. Yes, I am aware of the disparity and differences in people’s experiences of the same events, but I still made the mistake of using the analogy of being in the same boat.

We are all in the same storm together, but we are all in very different boats. Some of us are sailing along mostly unaffected in our cruise liners while others are desperately holding onto a wooden raft or have only one oar to paddle with…

We need to be mindful of this. We do not all have the same resources at our disposal. Some of us have more financial resources while some of us have more emotional and mental resources at our disposal.

For some of us lockdown has been a great time to catch up on things we have been meaning to do but haven’t found the time for. It’s been a time to quieten down, to do some self-reflection and relax. For some it has been a time to work hard at growing as an individual mentally, physically and emotionally. For others is has been a time of financial, personal and family crisis. Some of us are staying with family, friends or loved ones while some people have been living alone and forced to face the feelings of loneliness.

I think it’s important to become aware of this because we need to be observant of those that may need some assistance. We need to learn to offer support, and grace to others and to hold back our judgement. We need to exercise empathy towards others who are struggling, they may not have the same foundations or support structures that you do.

We need to broaden our perspective and realize that other’s perspectives on the current circumstance may not be the same as our own. The way we perceive and respond to events is not always the same. We need to stop judging people on how they are experiencing the pandemic and learn to exercise empathy, understanding and grace.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia.

With regards to mental health first aid there is a basic acronym, LLL, that stands for look, listen and link. We need to be observant of those in our immediate circle and look out for others. Are there friends or family who are struggling? We need to learn to listen, without offering our own opinions and thoughts on how to fix everything, to other’s thoughts, needs and concerns. And finally, if someone is really struggling, we need to link them to a solid support base, or professional help such as a psychologist. If you’re in a fortunate position to, let’s offer our rescue boats to those in need. If not, please don’t hold yourself back from seeking help or assistance.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” – Haruki Murakami.

I really do hope that despite all being in different boats we can come out of this period stronger and more resilient than before. Let us remember that Jesus is in the boat with us and is unaffected by the perceived threat of the storm that we are currently surrounded by.

Matthew 8:23-27 – “Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”