I think it’s common for us to think of courage and vulnerability as being on the opposite ends of the spectrum. They are very different right? It might be surprising to realise that the way in which courage is measured is in how vulnerable you are willing to be.
We are all raised being told of the importance of courage. How many of us have grown up being encouraged to be vulnerable?
We live in a society where being vulnerable is seen as a sign of weakness. We are constantly told we need to be strong, independent and self-sufficient and that needing other people takes away from our sense of strength. While strength and independence are good qualities to have, they can inhibit us from exercising healthy vulnerability.
We live in a society where, amongst other things, toxic masculinity is both consciously and unconsciously promoted and much of this is to do with the “inhibition” of men being allowed to be vulnerable and express their thoughts, feelings and emotions and the stigma involved.
I am not talking about vulnerability in the sense that we allow others to manipulate us and walk all over us, or the sharing our personal information with strangers, or on social media. Vulnerability needs some boundaries, and these boundaries are the practicing of being vulnerable with people who have earned our trust and have earned the privilege of our vulnerability.
I am talking about being vulnerable in sharing your thoughts, feelings and emotions and in the seeking of help and guidance from others in times of need. Seeking help, support and guidance is not only important in our wellbeing and effective functioning but is necessary. We need to shake off the notion of needing support as being a burden on others. We need to answer the call to living in community.
Much of what I have written about has been inspired by a talk by Brene Brown titled the call to courage (It’s on Netflix and I highly recommend the watch). In the talk she references a quote by Theodore Roosevelt which I think is so powerful:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Why must I be vulnerable? I want to rather be safe and feel protected inside the walls or armour I have placed around myself. The problem with this is that yes vulnerability leads to us being exposed to shame, fear, anxiety and uncertainty, but it is also what allows us to experience belonging, love and joy. To love is to be vulnerable. We all want love, but we are so afraid to let ourselves be seen.
We all need to belong, and I’m not talking about fitting in. Fitting in is assessing the situation and then assimilating ourselves into our surroundings. When we do this, we lose our authenticity and real sense of belonging. Belonging requires us to be who we are, which we can only be when we are exercising vulnerability.
Vulnerability is the feeling we get when we are exposed to uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. There is no courage without vulnerability. Putting in effort and taking a chance don’t always pay off, but we rarely achieve anything worth having without these two things.
Winning isn’t always coming in first, sometimes it is being brave and doing that thing you’ve been too scared to do, or just participating and involving yourself (being seen).
Vulnerability is hard, scary and dangerous, but it’s better than never showing up, and getting to the end of our lives and asking ourselves the what if.
I want to encourage you to choose fear, uncertainty and vulnerability over comfort, because we never grow when we are comfortable. Take that chance. Step out your comfort zone. Listen to that voice of truth inside of you. Take that leap of faith. Be scared and do it anyway.
Being brave often means you aren’t going to risk failure, you are going to fail, but we can’t succeed without first failing. Success isn’t defined by whether or not we fail, but in the strength and resolve of our character.
It is not about winning or losing, it’s about having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome. Vulnerability is courage, and you are worth being brave.
Dare greatly.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 – “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Live it well 